tsinhEE

i'm pretty sure it ain't pretty

2007-02-28T23:38:00.000-08:00

i ain't pretty.

at least that's how i've been feeling these past few years. especially when sofomor year started. everything isn't pretty right now. they're not all that bad but they're not pretty.

so what's with Pretty? well... let's just say i always had a notion, a vision, at the back of my mind that my future was pretty. pretty damn good. it wouldn't be perfect (duh..) but i envisioned success, an elevated lifesytle, a unique living. i always thought i would be good. yes i confess. i may be a humble person but behind that is something in me that hates to lose (yet expects to), that believes great things wait ahead (yet is pessimistic about them).

pretty = elite.
elite = triumph
triumph = happiness

that's pretty much the formula i think my mind has been following and formulating all these years. i don't know if i should be glad about it.
i seem to think that if everything is so nice and perfect around all the aspects of my life then i'll be happy. i don't need to be rich but i don't want to be average. i don't need to be beautiful but i expect to be pretty. i don't need to be a socialite yet i don't want to be entirely disconnected. i don't need to get the perfect job but i want to be at the top of my game. i don't need to be a dean's lister but i want to be special. i don't expect to be a genius but i expect to be able to do most anything (except maybe sports). i just always want to come off pretty. never flawed or at least only minor flaws

i don't like the scars on my skin. i don't like my blemished face. i don't like my room which is starting to turn dirty. i don't like the way i live right now which is full of complications and inconveniences. i don't like my course exactly. i don't like what i'm writing now. i don't like how i've been living. i don't like ugly.

i want a home. i want a face. i want to be with my family. i want to be appreciated. i want to dream and make those dreams come true. i want things to be pretty.

i want to be better than others. yes its selfish. but i think i was raised that way or if not life seemed to rear me in that manner. in Saudi, those were a few years of unrelenting prettiness. No blemishes, no scars, no ordinary there. It may not be perfect but at least i had a home. i was with my family. i was popular. i was a winner. i felt good.
and then back at the philippines, it began. elite schools all the way. no wonder i started feeling so ugly, so ordinary, so useless. elite people everywhere. so seemingly perfect. so pretty. and unconsciously i think i've been vying for that. i may not be able to do it. but i want to. i want to be that lovely, smart, and successful working woman in the future who knows people and goes places. i want to be a Big Fish in the Big World not just in my small pond.

how many times did i say pretty? pretty damn irritating isn't it? hehe.
well bottom line:
i expect too much. i expect to much from life. i expect too much from myself. i want to be a winner. i try so hard. and the saddest part is when you try and you succeed but you don't really get what you wanted in the first place. there are many things, qualities i have right now that i would gladly exchange for something i find more useful, more desirable. other people would envy what i already have but i don't really see their use. so what if i could play the guitar and piano its not like anyone listens. so what if im creative and artistic its not like its seen or put to use. so what if i get good grades its not going to determine my place in that future. so what if i'm in Ateneo will that guarantee me happiness? so what if i have a perfect family i'm not with them anyway. so what? what?

PS: nagdadrama ako ngaun dahil:
i just spent more than 12 hours cramming for a report others just finished in one sitting. i missed eco for that report. i feel harassed. i have insect bites all over me and i don't think they're really Just normal bites (scary...). i can't rest because we still have theo quiz. my face is starting to blemish again. i haven't eaten well in days. i feel defeated and i don't know what to do. i think i've lost control just now and i hate that! and finally.. its just been long since i've felt miserable.

paranoid yet again

2007-01-17T01:09:00.000-08:00

napapadalas ata pag post ko dito... i realized whenever i like writing here it just means i'm troubled.. why the heck would i be rambling in front of a screen if i weren't desperate enough?!?!

i'm paranoid again... i lack sleep. (nothing new w/ that) i lack motivation. i lack purpose again. great.

well not really.. i'm just down again coz it all began w/ a stupid headache. i had another one.. actually right now while typing this i still have.. slight... i had to change all the songs im listening to to quiet ones. aargh..

i've been chatting w/ my dad, complaining about my weekly headaches.. doctors always say its coz of my eyes... yeah my eyes do hurt but so does my neck my temple and sometimes my whole right arm weakens for some unknown reason..
nagpatingin n ko before.. i don't have time to go to the doctor.. and being away from your family, you don't really find motivation to go to the hospitals.. really..

nung nsa saudi ako i was able to consult a doctor, i left just having to adjust the grade of my glasses.. but i wear it 75% of the day.. isn't that enough?? and besides nowadays i get headaches at the most unpredictable times...
say, i just got back to the dorm from school.. im fine.. i did absolutely nothing that could strain my eyes.. then i try to nap (coz i get no sleep again last night) then suddenly i get a headache! where in the ?!?! why in the?!?!

i'm not worried... i'm not a person who worries about symptoms or impeding sicknesses (this is probably just coz of my EYES again.. i'm getting contacts if they say that one more time) but i'm easily bothered.. i can't study. i can't sleep. i waste hours and hours doing nothing but wait for my stupid headaches to subside... and i have midterms.. wasted time.. i just hate it... like the pain isn't enough... i have to sacrifice some of my studies too.. great just great..

i've been asking my mom about sleeping pills.. i've wanted to get those since 2nd yr started. i mean i can't sleep! even when i have all the time. i waste 3-5 hours on average on these stupid insomnia episodes. then i waste 2 to 4 more on my headaches.

i'm not going to excuse myself for bitching about this. my mom says there are no excuses when it comes to health... so there.. haha..

i write on my hand to remind myself

2007-01-11T00:42:00.000-08:00

yes i do that... always... haha.. and lately even more often. i wrote on my hand to remind myself to update this too. ^_^... i like drawing too.. (tattoos seem cool.. but i'm too afraid to have one..)

ang tagal ko nang hindi binuksan 'to.. oh well... ewan. ang dami ko namang makukuwento pero wala e.. tamad na.

tamad narin akong ikuwento lahat ng mga nangyari o nagdaan. (yes tagalog!) haha
kanina wala lang.. habang kumakain (o naniningin sa National) napagusapan namin na gusto naming gumawa ng website. ung astig tapos gagamitan namin ng programming tapos flash saka mga astig na design.. pero nung iisipin na namin ung topic.... moment of silence
labo talaga. website na walang laman. wala e. tuloy nung nag Eco panay un ang inisip ko. "ano kayang magandang topic??" ay ewan
tapos napunta naman sa mga pangarap na organization etc. software company ba daw.. ang pangalan; Durian.. tag line, "Akala mo lang yun!".. haha.. ganyan talaga pag walang magawa

basta pangarap ko parin ang magkapagumpisa ng digital designs (ewan ko kung for games, movies, or 3d .. haha.. or ads) corporation hahaha... ang labo ko talaga! ang pangalan: N-ganyo..

pero meron talaga akong parang proj na gustong gawin either habang college or after pa; has sumthing to do with Microsoft...

ok english time:

so right now, i find it quite incredible that i'm not up to my ears with workload.. in fact lately i've been doing more work on extra curriculars.. designs etc. and i enjoy it.. (even though i'm really sooo confused as to whether i'm really on the design team or if they're just "outsourcing" to me. in short extra utos utos lang..) coz ... wla e.. basta.. complicated...

if there's a good side the neg side is; now i'm confused once again about my course... life's like that. another issue lately is my driving.. nope still don't have a license.. many things happened that would lead anyone to believe that maybe fate doesn't want me to get one.. haha.. (it even involves fire.. i'll let u imagine) but i seem to have no choice.. my grandfather is too old to be driving me around.. soon, i'll have to take the wheel.. if they get me the car i like, i'll feel more motivated.. but driving to and from katips to alabang.... that's not exactly a joy ride.

also i'm still undecided with wat mp3 player to get.. nano? video? (zune???)
i just saw the iPhone... mmmmn... iPhone...... but it'll come to asia next year pa daw so nvm.. (as if i could afford it anyway.. hahaha)

peace!

my soundtrack!!!

2006-12-11T06:29:00.000-08:00

The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:

Opening song: Simple and Clean - Utada Hikaru

Waking up: Lonely day - phantom planet

First date: Why Can't I - Liz Phair

First kiss: brighter than sunshine - aqualung

Falling in love: I caught fire - The used

Seeing an old love: All at once - the fray (ganda n2!)

Heartbreak: Best i ever had - Vertical Horizon

Driving fast: Somebody told me - The Killers (i luv)

Getting ready to go out: Must get out - maroon 5

Partying with friends: Play it Loud - MxPx

Dancing at a club: no tomorrow - orson

Flirting:

Feeling sexy:

Walking alone in the rain: Yellow - Coldplay

Missing someone: iris - goo goo dolls (all-time fave)

Playing in the ocean: fall back down - rancid

Summer vacation: Here i am - The Explosion

Fighting with someone: Pain - Jimmy eat world

Acting goofy with friends: all the small things - blink 182

Thinking back: in this diary - the ataris

Feeling depressed: on my own - the used

Christmas time: River - Joni Mitchell

Falling asleep: Chasing cars - Snow patrol

Closing song: all good things come to an end - nelly furtado (fave ko ngaun!!)

Take The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

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so far, so... hmmn..

2006-11-10T19:33:00.000-08:00

hmmn... so... sembreak's over. on monday it's back to the usual setup... ( my blood pressure will be at constant high levels again.. hahaha)
oh happy bday nga pala claire! pam din!

recap of sembreak: (uneventful, really...)
- ktv sa greenhills
- went to moa... (can't believe some of us stayed there till 10)
- flight to saudi. first time alone and i'd say it was great. it all went smooth. and this lady who i asked questions from at the check in always managed to find me. She found me at the gate and waited with me. then when the plane landed in dammam (i didn't know there was a stop over.. hehe.. of course i didn't get off! even though the old man sitting next to me kept saying that's what we were supposed to do..) she found me too. i saw 2-3 movies.. haha.. (un lng inaabangan ko sa plane haha) didn't sleep at all i think.
- at saudi. glad to see my family. esp my brother who probably grew a few inches but i'm still taller.. hehe.. hopefully tatangkad na pag nag 3rd yr
- panay labas lang araw araw. sa tinagal kong 12 days, 2 days lng akong ndi lumabas.
- at least i was able to swim, go biking ( i miss biking and i only get to bike whenever i'm there!), visit my favorite stores ( Jarir twice! and the pet's oasis ).
- everyone had to go off to work and school so i was always left to the house every weekday. so i had the tv and the PS2 to myself... hahaha.. also the food. i love Bully! really nice... if ur into the rockstar games.
- so my mom threw this sort of soooper belated bday celeb for me there in the compound's clubhouse. it was sort of her party since all those invited were her friends.. i knew probably just half of those... hehehe.. oh well let her have her fun. (at least i had many cool gifts hahaha... bawi na ko. alang regalo nung real bday e.. ) my speech was a tearjerker. yes even my mom's friends cried. i didn't even know i was supposed to say something. so yeah on the spot and i cried myself.. kakaiba un a..
- i felt really awkward when all those people esp my former adviser and my former teacher made speeches about how brilliant i was and stuff. they all said they were proud of me etc. that i was a model daughter etc. kinda creepy after a while.
- i visited my teachers and the new school they put up (where my bro studies) nice..
- we just went out to different places and ate. that's all.
- then flight back to philippines. it wasn't as comfortable as the first.
- i saw a cute emo guy, i think... (basta rocker ang porma) i liked the hair. hehehe... kept lookin' at each other (yes... embarrasing...)
- back at pinas.. ok. the very next day i enrolled.. i got jap for a foreign language. yay.. hehe. then from early afternoon till 9 i hung out w/ my hs friends. we stayed at ray's dorm. carlo was supposed to cook for us but Rustans was closed.. great.so we had kfc instead. hahaha. spent the day watching, playing vid games, watching them play warcraft, talking. etc. (sobrang nakakainggit mga kwento nila edgar about claire's debut/outing)
- back at home, finally.. haha.. yesterday i went to get a driver's licencse but LTO's so great their computers were down.. perfect.. all that waiting for nothing
now i need to skip a day at school and go all the way to las pinas from my dorm jst to finalize it... really great!

hope u guys had a great sembreak.. i'm doomed to spend mine every year in saudi and we have summer classes every year as well... oh well...

'di nga?!

2006-10-02T05:46:00.000-07:00

'di nga?! pare... grabe 'tong mga nakaraang araw!

okay of course as expected, i'll share my own "milenyo blues". Let's start from the dorm. Okay so i really had no notion of this coming storm as in! i thought it would be like those other "storms" wherein we have no class pero wla namng nangyari.. in short it's just free time.. hehe.. but this was clearly serious as we would later find out...

so tambay lng s room.. nkadaldalan ko p c tin then maya maya.. wala nang ilaw.. the landline was out shortly afterwards.. so okay.. big deal wlang ilaw.. meron n yan mmya... (or so we thought) so we just decided to clean up the mess that is our dorm room!! wahahaha!! then winds started blowing.. (our dorm isn't really the type with hallways.. it's just rooms all facing a courtyard.. the garden.. so just go out your door you could see and feel the storm and witness how it destroyed our trees... poor trees.. )

we ate at this place just next to our dorm (really really just next to our dorm) and u could see out the windows.. grabeh!! the wind was like pushing the people! oh well we scavenged later for food.. mercury was open.. so we just settled for chips as our dinner... then when we were ready to go back inside our room, wala pla kming susi.. wahahaha... buti nalang nandun c ate ana.. whew! i was able to call my house using the dorm's main line so nsabi ko na sunduin ako early the next day bago nawala na totally ung phone lines...

so of course friday.. did nothing.. no elec e... so grocery lang... grabe ung pila para dun s charge ng fone s mall was like sooooper long!!!! so never mind. sat wala ulit... my hope was starting to dwindle nung hapon... all i kept doing was play the piano the guitar, try making advanced notes and tried contacting people.. ang inaaalala ko kc ung mga project namin!!! we have so much to do for the coming week tapos gnun pa mangyayari!! i really didn't want there to be no classes...
so sat, we headed to malabon. i charged everything there.. pero no phone line so no internet! useless din.. for some reason, we headed back home instead of staying the night there... so sunday kala ko nman me ilaw n.. ala prin! man! come on! no water, no phone, no elec!! i couldn't take it.. i needed to check updates on our school work so hapon bumalik n ko ng dorm.

pagdating dun.. wla rin palang net.. so i just watched tv.. then check my mail the next morning.. grabe... an daming mga updates nung prof nmin.. and this week n ung deadline agad.. i wasted 4 perfectly good days doing nothing coz of that stupid storm... our presentation though affected by the storm (so we weren't able to video shoot) wasn't moved pa!! sooper cramming na to!!!

alyssa stayed at my dorm the afternoon.. nakicharge ba daw... haha.. we watched the game on tv.. oh well.. talo... what can i say.. as our prof said "we just simply lost it" period. sigawan mga dorm mates nmin hahaha

i can't believe wat i week i'm/we're in for... it's like getting ready to brave a storm or something.. u don't know wat will happen afterwards, yet you want it to be over with rather than experience being in it coz u know how very tedious and downright hard it will be...

that's it.. peace!

it was all

2006-09-19T00:45:00.000-07:00

haay.. natapos na ang debut ni tin este masquerade... ang kyut nung place!! nkita ko un s discovery channel ah.. nyway, bentang benta cia skin.. haha

cympre ang ganda ng debutant... hehe... it was great!! it was hectic for a lot of people esp for those who organized it and for tin pero it paid off. ayos.. lalo na nandun halos lhat ng kbrkada

mis ko n tlga cla!!! napapadalas ata ang pagkkta nmin nitong mga ilang linggo... saya.. haha
mga 3 n kmi nkauwi.. tumambay muna kc sa hotel kung san mag overnite ung iba. asar nga ndi ko pde pero mdmi rin pa kc kong kelangan gawin...

school lang tlga panira s mga happy happy hahaha. wla tayong magagawa.. pinasok ko ang ateneo... bwiset...

but i'm glad.. in spite of all this hectic crap, i still have some source of life.. hehehe.. i luv u guys!!!
now back at the dorm and back to reality... i guess too many consecutive days of sleeping at around 4 am must've taken its toll... i wasn't able to wake up early today... i missed my fil class whahaha.. oh well.. i missed 1 quiz.. buti nlng i've been doing ok in all his other quizzes...

i was so relieved.. my current history standing is B.. hahaha.. pero mga 20 daw out of 37 smin e nsa may F.. grabe.. bat gnun...?!?!

now i'm preoccupied w/ freakin' program for CS... and so many tests.. sembreak, i can't wait!!!

wahaha.. goals kuno

2006-09-18T04:01:00.000-07:00

snatched from kitchie.. wahaha

(x) eat at Manang's ~walang kasawaang liempo

(/) learn the alma mater ~Mary for you, for your white and blue... un lang ahaha

(x) get on the deans list ~and never again will i set foot there... huhu

() lie down and sleep on a bench along EDSA walk ~that sounds like a great idea!

() be a TNT! ~I did join the OrSem comm, pero Sec, haha

(x) walk around the campus in the evening ~i am a creature of the night huwahahaha

(x) visit the art gallery

(x) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name ~si Ate Alma forever!

() get a Jesuit for a teacher ~maybe next time

(x) itch from higad bites ~allergy pa kamo

(x) have gotten an F in something ~does an F on a quiz count?

() have taken a crap in school

() watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game ~before, yes... now that I'm here, hindi na

(x) give a powerpoint presentation

(x) study in the Caf Upstairs

(x) watch a T.A. play ~only when it's required, haha

() sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars ~I've never done so at night eh, oh well

(\) eat in Full House, Martha's Kitchen, and Ken Afford ~ken afford is right next to our dorm

(\) sleep in the lib ~dozed off lang

() visit Mr. San Andres ~good girl ako..yata..hehe

() go to the chapel ~nadadaanan lang eh

(x) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad ~always

() cut class with your block to watch a movie ~i want to pero alang kasama

(x) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers ~that's part of life, I guess..

() go to CERSA night

() have tried siomai rice

() learn how to smoke ~no way

(\) fall in love ~is puppy love, luv?

(x) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib ~anna karenina, da vinci, edgar allan poe etc.

(x) play cards during your free time ~i tried

() dress in business attire

(\) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight ~almost there!

() have gotten side comments from ASSOC

() take (and enjoy) Saturday classes ~does nstp count?

() go to your immersion

(x) eat Food for Thought sandwiches ~no comment

() get a boyfriend/girlfriend

(x) take time to read the vandalism in the CR doors ~and those on classroom chairs, lib tables... entertaining

( ) watch "Minsan Lang Sila Bata" and "Macho Dancer" for class

(x) do a last minute paper ~sino bang hindi?

() have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures

() get exempted from final exams ~wla ata kaming gnun

() attend a college mass

() promise to quit smoking ~haven't even started!

() play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest

(x) know where the best restrooms are on campus ~Berch 1/F daw!! i like ctc

(x) join an org

(x) allow yourself to make mistakes ~oh yes

(x) take summer classes ~nothing I can do about that

() admire the sacred heart statue in the evening

(x) make a video for a project ~i love to.. even if it takes me untill the wee hours of the morn'

() have a crush on a teacher

() attend a Jesuit retreat

() have gotten a parking ticket

(x) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes ~i think i had worn somethings crappy in 1st yr... acc to my standards

() learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones

(x) participate in school activities

() catch the Blue Babble Battalion tryouts

() date an Atenean ~haha

(x) ride a tricycle on campus ~heehee

() find a tambayan ~what's that? haha

() admire the marikina valley at night

(\) go drinking along Katipunan ~ wat drink? iced tea? shake? rootbeer?

(\) learn how to beg for a higher grade ~does reasoning out count?

(x) use your cuts wisely ~ooh yes...

() volunteer to be class beadle

(\) had the worst lottery schedule for reg ~sorta

(x) admire the trees on campus ~always

() have forgotten about your free cut and gone to that class ~i never forget free cuts

() eat in the ISO canteen

() have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy u like signed up for it

() get as many app forms as you can during the job fair

(x) learn how to cram ~cramming is an art really... yes, yes

() sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere

() save money to Xerox all of your seatmate's notes

(x) have accidentally seen a make-out session ~aren't there so many??

(\) check out the Meron Lagoon and Lambingan Bridge - for ES! lambingan bridge??

() have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm. Bldg or vice-versa

(x) learn how to work with groupmates from hell

() perfect the art of parking on campus

() had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus

() develop a love for sisig ~loved it even before going here

(x) learn how to pronounce "AEGIS" properly

() have used typing rooms at the library

(x) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc. for a class or org function

() have asked the library for an endorsement to research in other libraries

() have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella ~I broke 'em..

(x) have used consultation hours properly

(x) Looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn't break any equipment ~its mine all minel

(x) visit the Guidance Office ~required

(x) and Infirmary ~many times during my bad fall.. even got a vaccination

para akong sinasakal!

2006-09-09T01:17:00.000-07:00

seryoso... kakaiba tlga nrrmdaman ko ngayon... masaya ko kgbi dun s concert pero pag gising ko kaninang umaga (bukod s masakit ang katawan) iba. natulala nalang ako. ewan. pampapangit pa ng mood nang malaman kong hapon pa ko masusundo.. ang galeng.. nand2 ko s dorm mula umaga hanggang hapon nang walang ginagawa.

nakakalungkot. cguro un nga ung dahilan kung bat ganto.. pero knina ksma ko p nman cna Ella. labo tlga. me psych problem na ata ako !!! buwahaha...

ay naku... ndi pala ko kumain. ayon bka un ung dahilan. labo ayoko nah!!! nkkdepress ung lugar ko ngayon. parang knina pa ako wlang ganang gumawa ng kahit na ano (oi naligo nman ako!).. maliban s magcomputer at tumunganga s monitor...

o cge na.. mgkkwento n ko tungkol s concert.. este gig.. kala ko tlga open un.. dish... sorry abs-cbn pala! hahaha.. seryoso nakonsyensya ko para s mga kbgan ko... gs2 ko n sakalin sarili ko nun... ala naman ko mggawa hehe... ndi ko rin nmn alam n gnun ung set up
bawi nman nung dumating n ung chicosci. yes me pic ako! haha.. low bat nga lng ung cam ko. nger nger... mdyo sosi ung dating nung event. nkkpanibago pro aus nman.. (mahal nga lng ng pagkain.. hmmmph...) congrats s MISA organizers!

shout out to ella: ella, salamat tlga at sumama ka! tengkyu tengkyu tengkyu! sa uulitin!! open concert naman nang ma experience mo! hahahaha.. saya un! Moz, slamat din at pinagtiyagaan mo kmi haha.. slamat s parents mu!

slamat ng maraming marami s 2 kong kbrkada n nilakbay p ang abs kahit ndi nila alam at kahit umuulan pa. sori tlga. kung alam ko lng... tsk tsk. pro ayos! buti nlng andun cla!

yak ano ba to.. acceptance speech? tama na... a basta... all in all, ok cia..ayos n bagong experience... (not wat i was hoping for pero ok! hehe.. kakaiba.. at nakita ko n ang abs hahaha...)

akin na ang bato... at ihahagis ko!

2006-08-30T00:46:00.000-07:00

haaay... parang gus2 ko nanaman ata umakyat sa rooftop at ilabas ang inis ko dun sa punching bag dun ah...

actually hindi naman ako gaanong naiinis.. bakit? coz generally, i thought we had an okay presentation... we had a good clip, a good skit portion w/c stimulated participation and we covered just what was told of us.. and i did good explaining too...

so i don't know why it should've turned out that way... my initial reaction was.. watever.. but then my groupmates showed signs of concern because of our prof's comments

damn him!! i hardly slept just to make that intro movie, ella hardly studied just to make the slides, and do u think he'd notice?? noooooo!!! that freakin', no-good, unappreciative, criticizing, perfectionist, sadist, brown little pokemon!!!

hmmn... got to chat w/ mom... got thinking tuloy... we talked about our dreams for the future and stuff.. her dream is to have a kindergarten (free for all!) in the farm (another dream of hers) and to help many many people.. my retirement dream is to establish a wildlife/environment conservation foundation... and my career dream is to be able to start a gaming or animation/arts (combined w/ IT) studio in the philippines!!! waahoo!! we have so many talented pinoys gone to waste or gone to international studios... pity

then i remembered Dylan Wilk that multimillionaire british (gaming founder) son in law of Tony meloto (founder of gawad kalinga)... he's so inspiring.. what he did for the philippines
tingnan nio cia he's even travelling to advocate the alleviation of poverty in out country.. so kind of him... nkkhiya na tayong mga pinoy mismo ang iniisip lang politika, pagra rally, pag aaway, at paglayas dito sa bansa... nakakahiya... tsk tsk tsk..

i have a dream! lets hope our dreams (good ones a...) come true..

if disappointments and frustrations were candy, i'd be choking to death right now...

2006-08-26T03:38:00.000-07:00

fortunately enough, this is not the case... kaya pa naman sabi nga nila... (kaya pero nasa punto na na sobrang sobraNG sobRANG SOBRANG gusto ko nang sumuko!!!!)

my friend's getting stressed about her upcoming debut... and in an odd and why-the-hell? kinda way i'm feeling stressed about it to... i feel like even there, i'll have a lot expected of me.. (she said it herself.. "ui dpat ung speech mo maganda.. mapaiyak mo ako..." ) neh?? waaah!!

yes i'm an expert at being her tearjerker but in letters and cards and private confession sessions but.. before 100 people.. where 90% are all utterly unknown and unfamiliar to me! haaay pressure.. i don't even have something to wear...

our days have been going so so so so bad... ( okay at least my over studying for history paid off )
but everything is sooo i don't know... soo hard... one word to describe Sopho year... MAHIRAP!!

i'm anxious, frustrated, stressed, angry, sad, (hungry) and disappointed all at the same time.. i was able to maintain homeostasis all week.. while up and about running errands that never end... and this.. this saturday was supposed to be my OKAY day... it was supposed to be the day i pick out a gown for the debut, get tin a gift, finish a bit of our report and just get so many errands out of my hectic hectic schedule!!!

but things weren't good even at the beginning.. i stepped on wet cement in our site in NSTP (and not intentionally contrary to the shouting claims of the lady over there) "tanga tanga! sinadya niya yan! napaka.... walang modo! etc etc... " words that were clawing at my chest bit by bit... while i was timidly tucking my foot behind the chair.. (for signs) good thing they didn't find out it was me... two things could've happened... :

i totally wimp out or
i let out the big outburst of reasoning (with layers of the frustration, anger, and defiance) that i've been keeping bottled in me for weeks!

then what do i go home (dorm) to? i find out i'm unable to do the things i set out to... why??! no transpo! worse is i can't refix my sched.. i tried tweaking it.. then they still didn't follow through.. what am i to do?? i have nothing... i can't sacrifice anymore... i've already wasted 4 hours of just waiting..when i could've done so much ... and could've rid myself of burdens!

so i calmed myself in the rain... yes i watched it pour... i went up to the rooftop alone and watched the view; the busy cars, quiet buildings and dancing umbrellas all glazed under the rain in a misty backdrop... i stayed for a few minutes.. dumuyan, naglakadlakad, kumanta (the used's "I caught fire" is the BEST!!), kinausap ung pusa, at binugbog ung punching bag sa gym...

and i guess it did work...

i can't do anything about these things... we never seem to be able to...

i wish we could...

Makakapagpahinga na nga ba??

2006-08-16T03:27:00.000-07:00

Kamusta naman? haha. Ang galeng. Ngyon lng ulit ako nka update... haay.. masasabing natapos na nga ang aming more than 2 weeks na panay stress at trabaho, sa ngayon.

cympre me mga darating pa... sa totoo lang... ang dami kong reklamo nun.. daming hinanakit.. daming beses na kamuntikan nang sumuko... ganoon nman lahat e... close call ung CS n un... sobrang dun ako na frustrate!!! as in!! lahat nman ata... pro im sure others got it easy (dahil s magaling or me mga kilalang magaling and willing haha)

kagaya nung sa kanta.. nagmistulang Bad day ang lahat ng araw araw nmin... ang galing nga e sabay sabay ang mga subjects nmin kung mag pagawa ng kung ano ano..

pero wala wla n akong ganang magreklamo.. naubos na ang lakas ko.. (ndi ko akalaing posible pala un?!?! haha) okay pala e.. sa sobrang pagod pati pagrereklamo nababawasan...
masaya lang cguro ko ngayon kc kahit papaano tapos na sila... hindi naman sa walang iba pang proj pero at least ung hell weeks mdyo wla na... sa uulitin!! haha...

at isa pa.. long weekend dude!!! yeah! makakapahinga n ko!! drawing, tv, cine, tulog ( esp Mall! na miss na kita!! ) oo malaking bagay na ang kumpletong weekend para sa amin.. dahil bihira lng ito

salamat salamat... pro pagtapos nun.. balik sa aming mga hectic na sched.. oh well..
knina meeting ng AD team ng org nmin.. msaya khit 8 lng kmi haha! sana ngayon me saysay n pagsali ko s org...

gud luck sa ating lahat!

failures

2006-08-01T00:47:00.000-07:00

just not my (our group's day)...
we totally sucked! i mean really!!! i wish i could turn back time and reclaim my honor.. but too late for that.. we were able to talk our way out of a bad grade but what we did in front of everybody will be the same...

what i hate the most... esp. that these people don't really know us.. is that we weren't able to show them what we really are capable of.. its our faults too i guess.. lacked coordination.. slacked off too much... haaay... cramming really is bad.. but it wasn't only that.. it was a mix of many other factors beyond our control!! its so unfair.. why did it have to happen to us?? we didn't even have time to save face.. ok maybe a bit. but it doesn't matter..

i feel like a big failure.. at least right now.. hopefully we do excellent next time.. (next time, for sure!!!) i won't take this! i wont accept it!

this stupid school is really testing us... why admu?! why?! this is the same feeling i had when i sorta directed my group for this play and it turned out soooo bad! i felt like shit!! only this time its not as worse.. 1) i wasn't the leader (buti nga i was initiating) 2) at least we got another chance 3) it was shorter

but things that made it worse 1) it was shorter (ergo.. should've been easier) 2)we could've done so much better 3) we simply lacked initiative and cooperation!!

after that incident before, i bounced back.. hah! 4th yr play i got good actors for grpmates and our top 3 in the school as a co leader of some sort.. we practiced a LOT! i really sought out good bg music and props.. etc.. good set.. (thanks to KH for some bg music! hehe)

so hopefully, we bounce back too...
haay failures...

i'm true Virgo!

2006-07-28T06:02:00.000-07:00

You are 80% Virgo

How Virgo Are You?

my pupee breed! haha wuf wuf!

2006-07-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

You Are a Golden Retriever Puppy

Tolerant, fun-loving, and patient.
You are eager to please - and attached to your frisbee.

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

oi! hey! uy! ay!

2006-07-26T02:33:00.000-07:00

aba aba naman..
nagiging consistent ata ako s pag update nito ah.. hahaha..
dahil ba wala akong magawa? o dahil wala akong makuwentuhan? (ay! buking ang pag ka lonely ko s dorm!!! bwuhahahahehuhuhu...)

forget that.
yes matatapos ko na ang Gundam SD! Salamat nang marami ke Mozart for lending me the entire season! any more?? hehehe
aus ang weekend! first time kaming me NSTP tapos 2 days walang pasok! ahaha.. swerte parin
pero mukhang ayaw kaming pa reportin sa History namin ah.. fine w/ me..

haay.. huli n nga kmi s mga subj.. oh well.. gnyan talaga... magagahol kami nito... medyo na fu-frustrate na ako s gngawa kong gift/artwork para s friend ko ahaha.. hirap! un ung inatupag ko nung 2 days na suspended.. hahaha.. galeng talga... sana nanood na kmi ng kbrkada ko ng Nacho libre.. sayang

buti p si sir nakanood.. astig tlga un.. laging updated s movies.. (bale s future.. gnun nrin ako! bwuhahaha) yay.. mdyo aus nman LT sa LS... aba... bumabawi... ewan ko lng s fil! ehehe...

bahala na...
peace!
coz i won't do drugs or alcohol or smoking... maybe u should do the same...(motto ko na 'to!!! wakekeke!)

just what i needed

2006-07-12T05:57:00.000-07:00

who said when things go wrong, they get worse?
oh yeah.. wait.. me.. haha

anyway, since i, along with the thousands of weary students, have been granted a break
i will also give my blog a break from my rants haha

(who knew? it was actually possible??)

ok.. so... ella and nikki stayed at our dorm for a bit over 2 hours..
but awww. wawa... na stranded sila going home! grabe naman! ella left a bit over 5 and she got home at 8 30.. that makes leaving at 2 = to arriving at 5 30...
bkit gnun?!? (note that i am not ranting about my woes but of others okay..)
sad part is we didn't get far with our report.. there's so much missing! good thing talaga that we have the day off... maybe i could finally meet up with my old buddy from UP

wow this has been an intense week but i'm still lucky... if it weren't for these suspensions, i would be dead haha.. no sleep... no rest... just work work work!

good thing nlng tlga! praise the lord and nature's wrath.. oops.. poor victims! sorry!
i'll just pray for you nlng! ^_^
peace!

coz i wont do drugs, alcohol, or smoking

2006-07-06T01:58:00.000-07:00

haha.. time to rant!
ok.. i didn't like that fact that i only got c+ for that forsaken research paper.. i should've asked him.. darn... why did i forget...?!?! i worked hard for that! 3 days! plus 4 hours of waiting in line!
if he still gives me a low grade for my reflection paper.. well, i'm really going to have to ask him to justify it... i mean come on! he's not a grammar teacher.. (he's lousy himself) why would he use grammar and other technical errors as a basis for grading.. (maybe he isn't able to comprehend beyond that hahah! ooops.. bad bad.. control yourself.. hahah) well my blockmate had a field day complaining about him.. rant rant rant! grabe.. pro nkktuwa... (it also sort of lessens the disappointment i feel) hehe...

hmmmn.. i thought for sure i would have my weekend!! but no!!! waaah! sorry little cousin..
why?! why?! ateneo is so kill joy!!! i feel trapped.. like i see this glimmer of light at the end of a dark cave... then suddenly its blocked! so tiis muna until i find another one.. then it gets blocked again... oh well it's still manageable nman... at least we're being prepared for the "real world" (beginning to really dread it)

well, at least i could always just work in Saudi (yeah... that's a country that's so slow and yet so advanced.. no need to be over stressed there...) prang 2log ung bansa na un.. they're rich, they don't need to join the rat race of the world... they can just ask others to run it for them...

another thing.. don't like my academic performance so far... esp in LS... in history, well tingin ko nman i really wont get a high grade in that subj .. that prof is tough! (at least he has the expertise to justify it.. unlike someone i know....) i guess i wont think so much of ever getting DL again... i mean really at the rate we're going, you'd have to accept being average if u still want a life!!! anyway, i thought about it.. ateneo in itself is already a good school.. so u don't have to be one of the superior beings in it to land a good job (at least that's what i'm told... if this doesn't prove true then... waaaaah!!! not fair.. oh wait, there's always Saudi! haha)

last... feel quite empty too.. wla lng.. like i guess its different kc pag ndi m ksama family mo... i'm not very sensitive to the point of crying when they left me.. but its just... ngayong tumatagal, parang smthing's missing (duh!) haay... i get to see them for only 1 week on december.. well at least its still xmas w/ family...

coz i wont do drugs, alcohol, or smoking
peace!!! ^_^

Ta da!

2006-06-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

must've shocked my senses when doing this...
new layout..
just had an epiphany ahahah.. okay a realization that i should reduce negativity in my life (by pouring them all out in here! hahaha) and think more of the good things.. since i dont do that involuntarily (unlike complaining w/c seems natural once i'm in front of this screen) i'll have to force myself to do so..
so i'll rant all i want then i'll force my brain to think of the good lighter other news

there.. so i used this cute cute pic w/c i love (from someone in devart sori i forgot) to stimulate happy thoughts hahaha...
but i still can't take it... i'll need to change this asap... it's just not like me... its too nice.. hehehe
but i'll steer away from the gloomy depressed bgs for a while... so there... happy? i hope i'll be

coz i wont do drugs and alcohol

2006-06-21T02:23:00.000-07:00

forgive me if i'll be ranting all the way but this is my blog so that's not my problem?!

i'm quite sick while doing this... slight fever that i just realized i had upong arriving at the dorm feeling so cold all of a sudden... funny, i was feeling cold the whole day since we had classrooms that were freezing

then after the 2 hour break i started feeling dizzy.. i though i was just having another one of my rare but unexpected depression spells... turns out its not.. oh well

i hate where i am right now... i wont go to far as to say i've been unhappy all along ever since college began but i wouldn't say i was happy either. (wow great YM's finally worked after 15 minutes of signing me on... *sarcasm levels rising*) but i guess no one really ever is.. or am i wrong??? but i do know that i was happiest in Saudi, happier in HS, and happy in pre school...
worst times were early grade school
and now... i can't say... maybe no comment.. but at the moment i really really don't feel like being here...

we have an asshole for a prof in one of our subjects. and one subject has requirements that will sink you to hell... i thought my first week of classes would be a little less hard on me this time but nah... "that's not how the world works, dear..."

ok my dizziness is really kicking in right now... (got to go on complaining.. haha)

i've been trying to change my ways and be someone more.. i don't know.. more unlike me or more like me... but that failed from the moment the 2nd month of school started last year.

i wish i could just go home... i mean, really, typing in a corner in a dark square room in the afternoon and bringing out to surface complaints and worries about life while its raining outside and i'm wrapped in my blanket; is more than SO pathetic...

my only fear is that i completely become that someone in the back of my head that i've always feared of becoming.

so sorry no one will read this. anyway at least it gives my a tiny tiny tiny sense of hope that someone gives a damn and sorry if it looks like i'm just another one of those emotion driven teenagers who feel as though life has damned them for so little a thing.. but who cares?!... this is my life and this is my blog.. (i should say that more often)...

i won't do drugs and alcohol so i'll be pouring out my frustrations here.. unfortunately.
PEACE!

my old setup

2006-06-09T00:25:00.000-07:00

hmmn... 3 yrs afterwards and i find myself back at my old 2nd yr setup...
-nuclear family at saudi
-extended family at home
-i get the master bedroom
-going out w/ HS friends...etc. etc.
-watching anime (w/c unfortunately will be cut short by my moving back to the dorm!! why?! why?!)

odd.. didn't really feel lonely upon arriving at home from the dorm and not finding my family there... maybe this dorm lifestyle makes u less clingy.. i mean duh.. you don't see your family everyday anyway.. so why miss them much now?

its been about 2 weeks since they left. so far:
-im 80% done in decorating the master bedroom and making it truly MINE!! (even though i'll only sleep in it once a week!)
-got to go to the movies w/ my HS kada..
-saw x men 3 twice
-played a lot of sims 2
-finished one CG of Sephiroth

-finally (i hope) fixed my laptop!
-went shopping
-enrolled (for the first time, i got all my pre-chosen classes)
-starting to miss my little brother
-starting to dread the start of school AGAIN!

i set out to learn flash this summer but i failed to do that again as usual.. i need long long lazy weeks to push me to finally do something... i haven't drawn either.. haay... drat...
i hope i get to accomplish something b4 this whole tinee tiny break ends...

peace!

summer summer ka dyan!

2006-04-25T01:08:00.000-07:00

elo elo elo

fil 12 and socio anthro all the way this summer.. nope didn't get to go to any summer workshops or anything! sayang ang panahon!! nooo! next time for sure!!! cguro nman mdmi d2 sa QC.. (ella, nxt year ah) hehe

fil 12 is quite ok... well yeah... kesa nman sa former fil class ko haha...
anthro... film viewing lagi yay!

i can't post much coz i got crappy dial up at the moment!! waaah

Personality

2006-04-18T08:04:00.000-07:00

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant.
Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle.
You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs.

For you, comfort and calm are very important.
You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection.
You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Brain Pattern...

2006-04-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

update update

2006-02-22T01:14:00.000-08:00

okay.. i've been out for a while.. (matagal n un para sa akin!) what i've been up to.. well last last week i hung out with my kabarkada again at the same place.. hah! and i drove to the place! hahaha... well... its just an accomplishment for me! oh well, next time i'll be doing it regularly! hehehe... sana lang!

so i think i got home around 1 am again... not a good record.. haha.. i was lucky i was able to watch the eraserfest concert at UP last fri! saya!!! ok.. i didn't get to watch most of the bands i came for since they started arriving at around 2 am onwards but it was ok.. i've never been to the UP fair before anyway so its a good experience.. i found it the line up of bands weird though.. no certain order. kinda random except for the really really more important bands who of course came during the wee hours of the morn'.. wow.. trip ko ung kiko machine! haha... go spidey!

the lines to the fair's entrance were so long!! we came around past 9 so we felt really hopeless w/ what we saw but luck was on our side!! haha.. new lines opened just a few moments after we neared them.. haha swerte!! i hope we're as lucky next year!

ano pa? well at school the usual.. deadlines deadlines and more patay-linya!! amp!
hindi ata matuloy ang plano kong renovation dine! haha.. oh well hu cares?!
peace!

philosopher daw??

2006-01-30T18:11:00.000-08:00

You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence.

Philosophy

83%

Anthropology

83%

Sociology

75%

Art

75%

Biology

75%

English

67%

Dance

67%

Mathematics

58%

Journalism

58%

Psychology

58%

Engineering

50%

Linguistics

50%

Chemistry

42%

Theater

33%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

some new things

2006-01-03T21:49:00.001-08:00

Hapi new year!! it is sooo unbelievable that i'm still updating this.. hahaha... but i have many plans this year.. i'm taking devart more seriously... i love that site.. hehe... i plan to kick my artworks up a notch.. and refresh my knowledge on html and try making a site... and redoing this blog... new look for the new year.. hehe

i no longer want to talk of last year... let's just start a good year!!!

update ahahah....

2005-11-09T16:35:00.001-08:00

here comes the next sem.. aargh.. pasok nnman.. i'm so lazy...

can't believe i only went out like 2 times this whole month!!! well, at least i did... better than nothing... bawi nlng...

my room mate and i just got our grades yesterday... its fine
so tiring!! we spent 2 hours getting to our school and another hour and a half getting back home and to think that we jst stayed like 15 mins in school... *sigh* haay.. pilipinas...

tpos nung reg mom ko nman ksma ko mag commute... haay... pagod! at least nkaikot ikot s mga mall. hehe.. shopping! yes! i'm really getting used to using the LRT going to gateway.. haha... (this might become a habit) *evil grin*

waah.. we have math everyday... i need to improve at it! it has 6 units!!! a large bearing on my final grade...

sked so far:
m-w-f
7 30 - 9 30 eng and lit
10 30 - 12 30 zoo then math!!
12 30 - 2 30 lab (mon)

t th
10 - 11 PE
1 30 - 3 math!!

balak ko mag ACP... hmmn.. environment o kaya phil culture...

well, 2nd sem here we come...

they come, they go, and they go some more

2005-09-06T04:06:00.000-07:00

wlang kinalaman s title ung entry ko ahahaha.. wla lng.. i just like it... today.. hmmn... report! finally its over with!! after stressing about it for days!!! nagpuyatan lhat kmi! ahaha.. kulit nga nung presentation! me mga spirit calling pa..

nyway, sa wkas nk update nrin ko s devart.. ahehe.. ska d2 nrin

last week dpat manonood kmi nung misa concert pro biglang di pnyagan ung room mate ko.. sayang mgkkta p nman sana kmi ng mga saudi frendz ko.. ilang beses n kong nag p plano tpos ndi n22loy.. nyway, kumain nlng kmi s labas ng room mate ko. tagal nmin s sweet inspirations..ahaha.. 8 to 10 ata. pro desert lng kinain nmin dun! ahaha.. sarap..

tpos exposure trip nmin nung sat.. ok nman.. masaya... dyip sinakyan nmin ppuntang boys town.. mdyo freaky ung ibang kids pro ung sa cottage ayos nman.. nag games kmi tpos kumanta blckmates ko... kulit nung joke time.. ung isang bata daming alam!

haay... impeachment.. ahaha.. tpos na rin!!! sana ndi n magreklamo ung oposisyon!!! tama na.. move on na.. after delaying our progress and bothering everybody for no good reason or outcome, they owe it to the country to just stop and shut up!!! maybe they could try doing their job for a change..

waaah.. sorry to sound so bitter. but i really don't like what's going on... hopefully this is it! let's all pray!!

fork in the road...(tama ba?!? ehehe)

2005-08-22T02:49:00.000-07:00

oi.. tagal n a! saya p nung huling post ko d2... pro medyo malayo n ko dun...
buti p nga s dev art n banggit ko n s journal ung aking unfortunate incident... asar tlga ung trike ban. nanakaw p 2loy fone ko!!! sa overpass. that was last last week..
now, okay nman.. i got over it..
2nd time ko n mnkawan... medyo sanay na... i feel so much of a fool though... un lang ung nag pa all nighter skin e... ndi ko iniicip ung fone.. iniicip ko ung fact n "nanaman?!" "ako?!" "cellphone?!" "sony ericsson?!" ehehe actually ung last medyo na singit lng... curse cguro... hmmn...

so buti nlng may extra fone s bahay.. low tech nga lng... (sony ericsson!!!) my b-day is coming up so i could have a nicer fone if i add my own savings and ask for a nice b-day gift.. (money!) ehehe.. kaso all the time b4 i lost my fone, my mind was set on buying an elec. guitar...

then now suddenly... i lost sight of it... now i question why i even need it?!? i mean now i see that its so impractical... i'm never going to be in a band anyway?!?! only in my dreams... who knows if this elec guitar thing even works for me? and prang ng mamadali ako masyado... i mean i guess i was just hyped becus of this ((amp)) thing... na sobrang magagaling n cla tpos puro bands! ewan! tpos i saw ung gs2 kong fone dati and now its only 11 thou! pro wla tlga ko ngaun... if i pass on the elec guitar, pede pa.. pro... ahhhh! hirap mag icip.. yoko n nga ng magandang fone! bka mwla lng ulit!!! mbuti png bumili nlng ng magandang mp3 player. un nman tlga ung mas mppkinabangan ko.. (or better yet a fone with mp3 player... ung gs2 ko ganun e... kaso very limited ung space... lalabas halos preho lng s mp3 player ko ngaun... so wag nlng) but there is W800i... pro dios ko!!! ang mahal.. i'm no rich kid noh!

i jst had a long talk on the phone with my mom... grabe.. masinsinan pti ung course ko ung school ko ung buhay ko all in all... ung pinagusapan! am i happy b raw? do i blame them? what do i want from them? what's my problem at school? grabe!! it just started with my crisis on my elec guitar or fone issue...then it ended up... i chose to let go off the elec guitar... whoops! teka.. but not to buy a nicer cellphone... labo noh... i just came to the conclusion that i don't need all these material things!! yeah preacher!! ehehe

wla lng... i guess n excited lng ko masydo... an daming kcing mga rich kids s admu.. nkksilaw!! wahaha! prang.. i wanted it all rin... i took for granted the fact n nagtitiis p nga ung dad ko abroad and away from us just to have me study in this school... bayaan mong magpakasaya yang mga yan! basta ko mag aaral! so, take it slow were just ordinary people ika nga... ehehe.... haay... pati concert this frid... give up ko nrin...

teka kala nyo wla kong mkukuha s bday ko?!?! hindi nman ako sobrang mag pplamang noh... nyway, i'll have lessons nlng s guitar this sem break.. i already have a nice acoustic guitar. that'll do.. tpos tablet!! yesss!! mas masaya nman tlga ko s devart e!! mabuhay ang devart!!!

saya pare!!

2005-08-08T02:29:00.000-07:00

wahahaha... monday na pero nasa utak ko prin ung barkada party nmin nung sat!!!
saya!!! sobrang na miss ko cla!!!

kaso ...lapit n umalis c joe... waaaah... bkit p kc cla mag migrate...?!?!
ay, ganyan tlga...

...haay...still in bliss...

kelangan maulit un!?!?!
sana m2loy ung sept 2... concert s highschool nmin... spongecola! wahaha! ngehehe...
medyo sawa n ko... (yabang e noh!) di ok lng!!! saya un!!!
can't w8!!!

ui guys, abangan nyo ung MARS thing... bsta ung s 27! ehehe.

2005-08-02T02:31:00.000-07:00

You Are A Razorblade.

Sharp, clever, but lost in a world of misunderstandng, you are the razorblade. You like blood and pointy objects... actually, you're like me! yay for you! i always find this group has the bestest people, too!

Which Inanimate Object Are You? (With Pictures)

analyze it...

2005-07-26T22:18:00.000-07:00

how am i now? (like anyone wud care...) well, i'm not preoccupied nor am i too idle. but i do feel unproductive lately... i haven't done an artwork for months!! i wasn't much of a help in our creative team sa ((AMP))... although, i am getting somewhere in deviantart. but it's just a site.. it's different... it's almost like interacting with a program (not that everyone there is predictable) just that it's not the real thing.

school...wla lang... long test, quizzes, essays, and research... pretty much routine
social life, improving...

waaah... i feel so empty... at the moment... i suddenly realize how much free time i have and how less things i've accomplished. all i do is sleep, watch tv and go online.

i'm a person who loves being productive... so this won't do... i have to get to do something... parents suggested using the time to study lessons or do proj in advanced.. but that's just way too nerdy... peers say Party!!! but i'm just not the type...

i suggest to improve my skills... math? never had skill there... practice math? too tedious! art? working on it... no inspiration kc... music? no means at present... i'm planning to learn elec. guitar s sem break... puro plans nman... hopefully...

start of things....

2005-07-21T03:24:00.000-07:00

i felt the pressure of work this week... hmmn...
wonder why...

guess its coz i spent day till night studying math and it didn't seem to pay off...
aaarrghh!! how was i to know it would be this hard???!?!

then there was the MISA interview, passing of the intact contract,start of eng. major essay... then first assignment for ((amp))

that's probably just a small portion of how busy people really normally are in admu
guess that's just normal.. but it's satisfying narin... at least i'm actually doing something....

and i get to relax this weekend nmn!!! hehe.. thank you SONA!!! hehehe...

kaasar ung ginagawa ko s photoshop... ndi ko mgawa ung gs2 ko!!! wla... halatang ndi p ko mrunong... ngak ngak!!!

matututo rin nman ko dyan... hopefully soon..

still miss my friends.....waaaah!!!

....bad shot...

2005-07-15T00:54:00.000-07:00

after tedious dealings with various upperclassmen bout this and that... i still find myself lost...

haay... well, i thought i would have my MISA app. form fixed n.. kaso ndi prin... its so complicated yet actually so simple! then this sat thing... ung guidance test ek ek... i found out about it... but it blew right back at my face!

kanina, in intact... haay... kuya kev was expecting me to inform my blockmates pala... and i ended up quite bad shot... but the funny thing was i didn't feel any remorse because it really never came across my mind for some reason...

am i insensitive? i don't know... i just not the type who informs a class or something... and anyway, if i didn't txt, he probably wouldn't have informed us anyway... haay... gulo gulo tlga.. whatever

well, me lakad uli cla... i wonder if i'll ever get to go to one of those.. guess not, so far... i just... i'm not into those kinda stuff... i'd rather have a nice house party with some of my closest friends... i'm the type of person who doesn't get very comfortable with groups that easily.. it takes time...
...hmmn. weird... when i was in san beda... i had a trifling experience with cliques too but it was easily resolved and when i did find a barkada... it was so worthwhile!!! man!!! i miss them!!! i guess they're having more luck!....

i want to talk to rayan hehe... you know inquire bout his new PSP.. hehehe... wla lng as if i could play it... waaaa. i miss watchin our fav. shows together.. yes even southpark... ! hehehe... here, i watch alone... quite sad... you can't laugh, laugh with someone, or comment... u just stay put... and talk to your mind... oooooh

waaah... hehe...nka recite nrin ko s fil! hehe... n shock nga rin si ma'am hehe... kc nman she never calls me.. so i guess i have to tke the initiative.. but i'm really the listener type... really...

can't go out today... there's suppposed to be an ((amp)) concert but i didn't get tickets... then ung dpat kong ksma lumbas, ppunta rin s aisec somthing nya...so, i'm left here... when i'm supposed to be at home!!!! waaah!!!

i always feel like time's wasted when i at home, like i always run out of it, or that i can't get enough of it. there's just so much to do there and so little here...tapos when i'm there pa, me mga assignments tpos papers tpos review p for exams!! asar... when can i have time to just relax at home...??? i guess s sem break p... haay.. tlga......

2005-07-15T00:53:00.000-07:00

Your Birthdate: September 10

Your birth on the 10th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life.
The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated.
A birthday on the 10th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach.

This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.
You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.
You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/">What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

....life goes...

2005-07-11T03:17:00.000-07:00

haay... monday ulit...
well, ganun tlga...
3 days of no school passed, and i still didn't get to meet up with my friends!!!
aargh!!!

ininggit pa ko nung friend ko n pmunta nung gud charlotte concert.
humph!

basically, i just spent the last 3 days discussing with blockmates on YM, drawing, watching star wars films, shopping... bla bla...

ang di ko nlng nppnood n star wars is 1... waahaha.. un p ung di ko npapa nood..! hehe!... it's not that i'm a fan ( i could be a fan of hayden, thought.. hehehe) pro its just for curiousity... ska mga mukhang movie tlga kmi nung bro ko..

unfair... i bibili n bro ko ng PSP!! waaah! ang gastos... if i were in his place, medyo ma guilty ako.. hehe... well, iba kmi e... ska mkulit tlga un! ....grabe tlga.... kkbili lng s knya ng PS2 silver edition.. tpos eto... woah... (tpos sinusumbat nman nya skin n ako nman daw me laptop!) duh! i'm in a dorm... far away... i'm in college... and i'm older anyway...

i bet he'll get his first laptop 2 years younger then when i first had mine... the only most expensive thing i got at his age was a cellphone (medyo mura p) and he had his first quite expensive electronic at grade 1!!! waaah!!

nyway, as i said, iba ko s knya... kawawa din nman kc cya... if it weren't for this games, he wouldn't have anything to do!! hehehe... sobra! gamer tlga! un lng buhay nya...!!!

enough of him...
hmmn.. LT s botany.. i hope i was ok...
amp interview.. joke time... kmi p ata ng interview s knya!! hehe
ano p .... hmmn... wla wla wla... yoko n...
kaasar minsan 'tong net connection...

(life goes.... on...)

so long and good nite!

2005-07-07T22:34:00.000-07:00

... i think i've been listening too much to Helena...

nyway, so far... everythings ok
all the subjects are getting better... (yes, perhaps even filipino.. whe...)
my blockmates are cool... they're all alright
hmmn.. what else?...
there's this sagala? was that right? nyway, it's this contest thing...
i think our class' theme is Yosi kadiri...
i have to make drawings for the design along w/ other blckmates...
i have no idea what to do...
actually, don't know if i can still draw. it's been like... months

i can't sign in s misa enlistment... asar...
if it still doesn't work till mon, i'll have to report it
hehe

nyway, i'll have my ((amp)) interview s mon...
do they, like, reject newcomers???
why?! we paid naman ah!!! wahaha!

yesss!! 3 days!!! i hope i get to see my HS frendz already...
kaso LT s mon... botany... ngek!

what's the worst that i could say?

things are better if i stay

so long and goodnight

so long and good night

and if you carry on this way

things are better if i stay

so long and goodnight

so long and goodnight...

wait lang...

2005-07-07T07:02:00.000-07:00

wahaha...
ang loser ko s deviant art!
i was only able to submit one work..
s tinagal tagal ko dun!!!
asar!!
nagloloko yta ung pag submit s knila
well... next time nlng
so i take it back... don't go to my link
there's absolutely nothing to see!

deviant art?

2005-07-06T03:51:00.000-07:00

hehe
i discovered this site for artists..
wla lng, if not yet already a member, i recommend it!
hehe
i just joined myself!
can't believe ngaun ko lng nkita ung site n un!!!
anyway, here's mine:
www.tsinhee.deviantart.com/

moving on...?

2005-07-06T00:02:00.000-07:00

sorry.. i was quite undecided if i was going to update this... but since i'm meeting new people and they have blogs of their own, i figured it would be quite wise to keep this.

i'm planning on changing the template but i've no idea how or when. i guess i'll just keep drawing the next layout in my head. i'm thinking of bringing back my old template ( i liked that! hehe) but maybe not.. it depends whether i'm really lazy or extremely busy

so far, how am i??? hmmn.... not much... well, i'm getting comfortable with lit. class already. our prof's not bad after all. she's actually quite amusing.. boy, did we have the wrong first impression! she's still quite odd though! hehehe

now, it's fil that's getting to me... i really don't like the prof too much... i really don't like the subject that much either! wahaha! to think that tom. i'm have to attend that class again! well, that's life!

our PE is ok! hehe... it's just child's play!! literally!!! hehehe. Math... math has a new definition according to me.. it is one and a half hours of enlightening yet extremely tedious and uniformly dull note-taking

eng.. is my favorite.. (it's always been) it's the academic subject i worry about the least. (yes, i used to worry about CVE before, as well)

i still miss my HS brkada!!! waaah!!! i soooo need to see them!!!

o yah, i just signed up for MISA and AMP.. yeah! let's hope for good things to come of it!!!

so... moving on? i guess... and i'll keep doing it... i just hope i'm actually moving on to somewhere worthwhile...

colegio

2005-06-20T00:15:00.000-07:00

okay... here's the scenario:

i'm not that close with my course block, if you could even call it that...
i mean we hardly meet at any of our classes. magkakaiba kc lhat
mas united p ung english block ko
well, i'm close with a few people from my couse block and comfortable with the various
people from my eng. block. They may all be english speaking and smart but they're all down to earth and amiable guys

our eng tr. is alright. she speaks good english, i must say... hmmn.
but it's our literature prof. that's ... hmmn.... something went wrong here or to her... hehe
she's an old lady who seems to eat her words when she speaks but not when she scolds the people passing by outside the halls or when someone yawns in class or even when we greeted her "goodmorining"... curious?
basically, she's scary. and that's just it... she makes us recite in front of class while she sits sulkily at the sidelines... with her discontented pout which looks quite funny, i have to mention.. hehe
well... i got through. didn't i?

then damn... i'm math 1... what kind of MIS student am i???
am i that bad? or natapat b na nag ACET nung time na i was having a bad time with our math subject... (mainly due to our math tr...) i have to say, ever since that happened, i never looked at math thesame. i mean. i never feared math before. that's why earlier i took MIS but after that rough time with our tr. it was never the same. or i was never the same
i just hope i get through this. i want to get to math 11. there's a test on sat... God, please help me...

our other tr are fine.. our botany tr... woah... sobrang ligalig nya.. hehe
well, i still got to go out and buy something....
good luck to us!

looking back on today

2005-06-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

i'm missing so much things now...
damn... this start of college life really makes you appreciate your highschool years!

i miss my house
i miss my former school
i miss my family
i miss my friends
i miss our tambayan
i miss alabang
i miss my dogs
i miss my bed
i miss the garden
i miss my mom's cooking
i miss the couch at the tv room
i miss my bean bag
i miss the mall
i miss the car
i miss my brother's annoying voice
i miss my organ
i miss our school uniform
i miss my cable tv!!!
i miss the things i used to do that i could no longer do... ( draw, play the guitar or piano, playing some video games with my bro., go out...)

purpill!!! nasan n kyo?!?! haay... i miss going out in large groups... saya! parang dito s college...ewan.. ndi kc ako close s course block ko e... there's something missing, something wrong... khit n new student ako noon, nagkaron ako agad ng instant big brkada but here... its just different... iba ung atmosphere... parang kanya kanya na... every man for himself...

but i guess this is all normal... i guess i should be thankful already... but... just... can't ... accept... yet... damn!

pagbabalik

2005-06-19T23:57:00.000-07:00

well... magtaka n kyo... kung bkit bigla kong naicipang buhayin to...

#1. it gets lonely here s dorm
#2. nothing much to do
#3. too much things in my head (need to get them out)
#4. hopefully, my friends can get updated through this...
#5. unlimited net access... (hehe.. upgraded n ko!!)

haaay....

back home

2005-05-23T19:31:00.000-07:00

back s pinas...
haay, init! heehe
ok nman... at least nkkmall nah!!! wahahaha
ska gimik...
mg adjust p ko d2...

2005-05-01T05:42:00.001-07:00

boring... of course...
i feel the weight of nearing college on me...
yoko pa tlga...
well, ders nothing 2 do

2005-04-25T04:56:00.000-07:00

galing lang ako s house ng friend ko d2 khapon... i didn't stay long... pero cyempre daldalan!!! khit pa eng! ehehe... cya nlng natira d2.. kc ndi nman pinay... so s school nya 18 p grad...

nothing going on special... pro at least nadadagdagan n ginagawa ko d2... bukod s swimming or biking every other day, i'm reading classics... tpos internet prin... nood, drawing minsan, gitara minsan...

just had dinner last night sa isang thai resto... anghang ng fud! yoko n dun! hehe... pro masarap.

sa wakas, nakachat n rin...

ordinary

2005-04-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

guess time isn't that slow anymore... i've been in this country for 2 weeks already... been doing stuff... but basically, it's not that boring anymore... guess i got used to laying around, seeing nothing but the four corners of my room. i'm used to the look of isolation...

nyway, parang pareho lng nman gngawa ko d2, just lyk sa pinas... pero sa pinas nkklabas ako... d2, minsan minsan lng..

naiba ko n rin s wkas template nito!!! wahaha... me add. pics n rin... haai, pag la ka nga nmang magawa...

so far... so...

2005-04-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

lets see... i've been to the compound... i went biking... while reminiscing a lot of stuff... many things happened in that compound... so many memories... haay...

i'm still stuck with the sims 2.. kaasar tlga ung laro n un... you want to stop... but you cant... sayang lng tlga ayaw gumana ng cheats...

knina, dinalaw ko ung former school ko d2.. its undergoing a lot of reconstruction. good for it. hehe. naglibot libot ako ng konti... its really small so it didn't take me long...

no ba to panahon of reminiscing.. all i've been doing was thinking about my old saudi memories... and when i get to college, bene nman ang dadalawin ko... haay buhay tlga... here i go yet again, another beginning... i'm so used to change... change is what marks my life... simula nung pre school, palipat lipat n ko ng lugar or ng bansa...

and everywhere i stay, i experience wonderful moments... its hard letting go... but i guess, i've been doing that for some time now... maybe its also good that i don't stay too long in one place... that way i'm not sooo attached...

well enough of that... good news... ummn... our fone lines fixed so now i can go ol whenever!! woohoo!!! o yah... nag sandstorm kgbi... wow... it is so messed up outside today... our car looked liked it was soaked in mud! and the air... doesn't smell right... sa labas.. kc sa loob, hah, wla... ndi nga nmin mlalaman n nag sandstorm kung ndi pa gumalabog ung mga windows... hehe..

thats it...

still d sme.

2005-04-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

....lang 'ya!! sometyms dis country rilly sucks!!! can't believe dis s wer i had some of the most fun tyms of my lyf... iba tlga ngaun... its different... its boring and its empty... nope... no peeps hir... and d damn fone lyn isn't working so no internet 4 me... i only get my chance wen i get 2 go to dadi's office...

haaii... missin' pinas badly... can't w8 till its may 19... duh... dats still far in d future!!! daming lakad na di mpuntahan, dming planong ncra... sna makabawi p ko pagblik... is dat possible? just in 3 weeks or less... den ders college 2 think of..... aaarrgghh!!!

indifferent

2005-04-10T03:57:00.000-07:00

.... i had my dad check kung bkit di ako mka ol ng maayus... pinadownload ko nrin ung YM s knya dun s office nya...

it turns out... ung fone line yta nmin ung me problem kya di ako mka connect... buti nga ngaun, nakachamba.... haaiii.... kung wlang net, wla na kong magawa d2...

ndi nman dat bad d2.. kung tutuusin, masaya... dming pede gwin pro lang tao tlga... there's nobody... (bonding 2loy sa kptid... )

missin home badly....

ayus na

2005-04-09T04:29:00.000-07:00

2nd day: ayus nman... aga ko prin nagising... ndi p ko nakkadjust sa tym...

nkabili n ng laptop... s wakas, pede na ol!!! pinunthan nmin ung tita nung kbarkada ko (yhel, mahal n mahal k ng tita mo!!! hehe).

nd guess wat! small world tlga!! nakatira ung tita ni yhe sa sme housing nung friend ko d2 sa saudi... kakilala pla nila ung mga family nila.. so chikahan cna momi... pro ko, wla e... ung friend ko nasa pinas n kc... mom lng nya naiwan d2....haaai....

pinunthan nmin ung kaibign ni momi... gs2 ko lgi pmupnta dun kc me mga dogs cya hehe... ung dog nya ung sister nung dog ko... (miss ko na c chevy....)

ngaun... hirap n hirap ko s mga net connections... prang ayaw p ata mag download ng YM....
naku tlga nman!!

saudi mode: ON

2005-04-08T09:50:00.000-07:00

8:00 pm. Riyadh time: dumating kmi sa Saudi...

2 hrs b4 lnding, gising ako... i woke badly with a headache... i was also still coping after that weird dream i had which was most likely affected by that Lemony Snickets movie...
basically, nagmuni muni lng ako till it was an hour b4 landing...

nag start na mag chap lips ko tpos maya't maya nasasaktan sa static ng buhok ko... pati skin ko sa face, humahapdi na... which all meant one thing- nsa saudi territory n kmi...

in a few moments (lang traffic d2!! hehe), nsa bhay n kmi... ang luma n nya... mtgal tagal nring wlang family dun... napabayaan n ung villa... halos bodega nlng ung mga ibang rooms... palibhasa puro lalaki nlng nktira...- dadi nmin saka ung dadi nung dati rin nman kahati dun sa villa.

first day: dahil ginawa ngang bodega ung rum nmin, i spent almost the whole morning, cleaning and fixing it... haaii... tpos nag venture sa bodega (yung totoong bodega..) daming lumang gmit....memories.....

after lunch,,, wla nag paka senti... nakinig sa soundz habang iniicip pinas... naningin ng laptop nung gabi...kaso naunahan ako nung lintik n arabo dun sa gus2 ko... tpos naki internet sa office ni dadi...

nyway,, di ko mapakali d2!!! kelangan ko n ng laptop!!! sbrang boring!!! miss ko na tlga mga fwendz ko!!!

college: eto na.

2005-03-24T16:03:00.000-08:00

...
kakaiba. normally pag ganto katagal walang pasok, maligaya ako...
pro naiicip ko ung school... miss ko na mga tao!!!

busy kmi itong week. ngyon nga lng ako nalibre.
pinuntahan nmin ung ateneo. nilibot ako sa mga lugar dun.
masanay n daw ako... tpos nakakita cla ng dorm. cute ung lugar.
ska ang ganda ng location nya. katapat lng ung sakayan papuntang admu.

medyo na shock ako sa mga nangyayari... ndi pa kc ako
naniniwala na admu n tlga ako, na college na... lapit n pla...
ang bilis nman ng taong 'to!

tpos ung sbi nilang pagiicipan kung dorm nga ako, biglang naging sigurado.
nakahanap n nga cla ng ka room mate ko... tpos this whole week, san man
kmi pumunta, they always bring up the subject about me moving out...
pinaguusapan ung monthly allowance ko hanggang sa kung
magdadala kmi ng ref. i hear them here and there..
"gusto mo ba na me aircon na o tayo mag dadala?", "laptop ba tlga kelangan mo?",
"we'll meet your room mate sa sat," "ndi puro fast food kakainin mo dun. a."
woah! teka lng naman. pati driving, sinisingit na. (but i like the driving. hehe.)
is it really a big deal?
parang noon, niloloko loko ko lng cna daddy na mag dodorm na ako.
tpos ngayong totohanan na, parang nabigla ako...

i'm excited and at the same time hesitant...
i'm happy and relieved na tpos na sa wakas ang pag aaral sa HS.
pro pano namn ung mga kaibigan... ung mga pinagsamahan...

ngayon palang, naiicip ko na
na tlgang malaking pagbabago 'to...

the one big question i have on mind is "handa na ba ako for college?"

???

2005-03-03T04:27:00.000-08:00

how can i say i know you
how can i speak a word
i know you dont know me
i know i wont be heard

why should i bother approaching
when its them whom you notice pass by
why should i mind your business
when i already seem to mind your life

when will i rid this longing
for it's tearing me in two?
when will i take a step forward?
or when will i rid myself of you?

I fear the former- afraid i would fall fast
yet i dread the latter- afraid to lose the chance

what will get me through this?
what will save me now?
what will end these questions?
what? When? why? how?

wla lang

2005-02-24T23:38:00.000-08:00

ano ba? ..... a... well, wlang nangyari pa today...

umaga palang inaayos ko na 'tong blog ko.. at sa wakas ngyon ayos na!!!

buwahahaha!!!

nge....;)

un, tapos, me konting hang over pa ako sa concert ng HS kahapon..

rawk!!! hehe.. na aliw lang ako dun sa ginawa nung isang nag perform..

sobrang sweet.. haay... [nangarap :) ]

slides nanaman... ilang lakad na ung nasira ng putik

na proj. na to!!! dapat me lakad uli barkada tapos..wla!

di ako makapunta.. lagi nman e.... :(

so un lang.. hindi ko na cguro muna iibahin tong layout ko... un. okei..

paala.m.una..

Thorn

2005-02-19T03:06:00.000-08:00

A thorn bEtwEEn thE shadows

of your callousEd hEart

A thorn to stop it's bEating,

to tEar it apart

An illusion,

a silhouEttE

a nothing

no onE

is who i am

who you arE

To mE.....

to nonE

A thorn bEtwEEn thE shadows...

Do you havE a hEart?

No nEEd to stop it's bEating

it was long torn apart

Sailor's Dream

2005-02-19T02:11:00.000-08:00

WrappEd in a storm of confusion,
puzzlEd by wEary and doubt
Waking to sEE just illusions,
so I drEam to sEEk a way out.

Sail to thE dEpths of subconscious
Discover advEnture within
UnravEl a world found in mysElf
JournEy whErE no onE has bEEn.

Finally, paradisE is found!
contEnts are of hEart's dEsirEs
Enjoying this sanctuary only I know.
Utopia, sEEms not to ExpirE.

ThEn amidst thE comfort of luxury
Cataclysm starts an uproar
My hEavEn is swallowEd by TEmpEst!
and I lay washEd up on thE shorE...

Slowly, rEcovEring from tumult,
a dark figure forms nEar my land
ThEn I sEE this daunting mirror of mE ordEr:
"Sailor, it's timE you walk the plank!"

Just whEn I plungE into DarknEss
I awakEn to light of rEality.
Catching my breath, i realize then that,
the most fEarful ExpEdition is in mE...

hEE+hEE

2005-02-16T23:57:00.000-08:00

thErE's nothing to say...
basta...
bahala na kyo dito ah..

cgE, i'll put stuff hErE nExt tym..
pEacE!